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I think I’ve finally grown tired of watching the end of the world. You’d think that it would be impossible – since it’s never exactly the same twice – yet I can’t escape the inevitable conclusion that I’ve had enough.

And I know it’s not just the mindless questions from the tour groups that I’ve endured for an eternity. (Wouldn’t you do a bit of research before you come on an Armageddon Tour? Why always ask something that any e-guide would cover in their opening paragraph?)

No, I’ve got to face it – the feeling goes much deeper than that. The joy has been leeching from me slowly over the aeons according to what must be some law of entropy.

Okay, here they come.

My quantameter started humming as the shimmering skein of the Higgs field containing the next tour group approached me through the dark-matter. As usual, the tourists were looking disoriented, orbiting the nucloid like a slow swarm of electrons.

So there they are, just in time – as always – for their once-in-a-lifetime experience. I laughed inwardly at my private little joke (which I’m sure none of the tourists would get).

I glanced down at the quantameter before switching it to vibrate mode. So, this was another Christian Rapturist group – they’re bound to be disappointed!

I’ve never winked a group of Rapturists back to their time zone happy. You can talk about quantum probabilities all you like with them, but they won’t be satisfied unless they see Christ and the saints descending from Heaven, and all of Earth’s Christians floating skyward to meet the Lord with glazed looks on their faces.

Of course, that’s the tantalising thing, there’s always a chance that’s exactly what they’re going to see. You never know. Probability fronts are... well... unpredictable. I’ve seen a version of the Rapture a couple of times myself (ironically each time with a group of physicists), and I have to admit it’s quite a sight.

The Higgs field stabilised in front of me, and I could see the individuals still orbiting slowly through the thick, treacle-like environment inside the membrane.

I switched on my q-mic to narrow band as I orbited the nucleus in my own field. “A warm welcome to the end of the world.” Do I sound sarcastic? I don’t think I care any more.

“I must stress the danger of you moving any part of your body outside the Higgs field. As you know, if any part of your body is exposed to the dark-matter outside the field, you will be annihilated.”